I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
