All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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