Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
