haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
