My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
