Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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