I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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