she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
