Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
