I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize