for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
