How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
