I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
