Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
