Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
