I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
