3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Pappa wants mamma naked
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
