My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
