I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
