I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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