i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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