Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
