Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
