the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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