Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
