im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
