I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
