he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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