yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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