come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Life is so much better after having sex.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
