Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
