I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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