My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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