Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
