So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
