i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
