tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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