Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
