i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this boner is exhausting
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
