So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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