somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
