the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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