No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
