Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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