If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
