Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize