You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
