sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
