Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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