opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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