no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
