Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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