If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize