Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
