He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Text me some of your sweat
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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