This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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