Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
