Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
