I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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