Jerry, you need to find god
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
