My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize