Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
