don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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