His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
