i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
