Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
