hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
