I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
