he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
