i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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