This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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