fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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