Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize