seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
