Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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