Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My vagina just recognized that song.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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