apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
