john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
