you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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