You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
