operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
