Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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