Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
